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 My first story, Part 2

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Number of posts : 105
Age : 25
Localisation : Next to me.
Registration date : 2008-04-10

PostSubject: My first story, Part 2   Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:11 am

Well since my tablet won't come back to life and I have no scanner available, I started a story that I thought of in my head, and decided to write it, I've only written for school before, and of all those times only one story stood up, but anyway, since English is not my native language I got a little confused in some parts. Oh and just saying that the babyfur part should start around chapter 2, or maybe 3. I also haven't decided an name for it yet. And another detail, this story takes place a bit more into the future, with technology a bit more advanced.


It was the beginning of winter, my favorite season, as I walked out of another day of school. My school was just the same as any other, and that was the main problem, especially when you see nothing in there but humans, no fur, tail or muzzle, I was never comfortable around them.
After few minutes of walking through the empty streets I reached my house, and looked at it, now feeling safe. I slowly opened the squeaky door and closed it behind me as I walked in. I sat in a couch and extended my arms, starting to relax, unfortunately, I was interrupted by a ringing sound.
I looked at the phone as if it had just woken me up with a battle horn, and answered.
"Hey, Just checking to see if you're not dead yet" said the familiar voice.
I didn't find it funny, that man was always treating me like an unwanted pet you won't kill or give away for some strange reason, you just feed it, give it a home and wait until something happens.
"Why do keep asking if you don't really care?" I answered with an angry tone.
He was silent for a moment and then spoke again, "Despite how displeased you are with it, I'm afraid I HAVE to care"
"If that's true, what gave you the brilliant idea of sending me to that school?"
I heard a sigh and another short pause and, he now sounded annoyed, "Listen kid, I'm currently responsible for your well being, and that includes your education, I don't care what you are, but you won't stop going to school".
As I listened, I was starting to feel like throwing the phone at him, despite how impossible that may be. "See? You just said it, you don't care, it’s not like you'll ever know what it feels to be in my situation!”
I quickly hung on the phone, ignoring whatever he was going to say, and sat on the couch again, with hateful thoughts about so much things around me.
The rest of the day went calm compared to others, with no events needing to be highlighted, until I was laying on my bed, thinking about my situation, me, being some sort of humanoid wolf, had somehow ended in a human place, I had seen humans before, but all of them were adults dressed in either uniforms or lab coats, but here I saw humans of all ages, doing all sorts of things. I lived in a house alone, under the responsibility of some guy who I barely remember meeting in person, I had all I needed to survive without ever going out, which was fine by me, It stayed as this for some years, until he suddenly had the idea of sending me to school, then it all started getting complicated. Besides, if I finished my studies, where would I get a job? the circus? I didn't think so, nothing made any sense, at least to me, but there was nothing I could really do about it.
I slowly closed my eyes, waiting for something (not death, just “something”) to take me away from all this, wishing I'd see someone like me, again...

I was woken up by the alarm clock (while feeling a natural wish to smash it), then opened my eyes to see the same colorless wall as everyday, I got out of bed still half-asleep and went to take the sleep out of me with cold water, there really wasn’t anything to prepare, I always had the same clothes (pants for tailed creatures aren’t really common), so I grabbed my back pack and went downstairs, I grabbed a sandwich I made the previous night, and headed for school while eating.
Class was as dull as always, I think, I had been busy drawing while pretending to take notes, I don't remember anything about it except that I had drawn myself again, wearing a medieval armor similar to the ones gothic knights used.
When class ended, I quickly left, not without hearing the usual: "Look, there goes furball!” . On my way home, I was interrupted by the stereotypical image of a big fat bully I remember seeing earlier in school, which didn't really intimidate me. As I always said to myself, an idiot who knocks you out is still an idiot, for some reason I was happy with that.
He moved closer to me, pushing me with his body, "Hey furball, word is spreading that you called me a fat idiot" He said in a menacing tone.
I simply stood in there, not quite looking at him in the eyes, "I'd advice you not to believe what nosy girls tell you"
"well those nosy girls are right behind you"
I looked behind me and saw 3 other guys with a scary face, "crap" I quietly said to myself while lowering my head. I was now getting a bit nervous, I was completely surrounded. As I looked back at the fat guy a fist was already approaching me, there was not much left to remember of that occasion, except for the fact that I was left unconscious...

I slowly regained consciousness, I didn't open my eyes but I could tell I was not where I had been attacked, the hard concrete where I landed on had been replaced by something more comfortable. I opened my eyes, and inspected my surroundings, I was laying on a couch inside a house which I didn't recognize as mine, my head was feeling heavy, and I felt a little dizzy, as I looked around, I saw something I did not expect.
Standing next to a window was a young female wolf, like me, but she looked older, had brighter fur and smaller tail and ears, "So you're finally awake, are you feeling well now?" she said in a smooth voice, I just stared at her for a moment.
I moved my hand to my forehead; my head was hurting "Uh... well, not really".
She gave a light chuckle and said, "They say you were found unconscious in the streets, so they brought you here with me"
"What? Where am I? Who are you?" I asked.
"Welcome to my house, my name is Mina" she said, I just looked at her not quite sure about anything.
"It’s surprising how little attention your latest incident received, but it’s probably better that way… you’re really confused, aren’t you? “ she said again, I nodded.
“As you have probably noticed, I'm also a fur, as humans call us, few of them even know of our existence, and even less know what we really are, you may not know this, but we are the result of various genetic experiments." she continued.
"Yeah, I figured that out myself many years ago"
"Really? How old are you?" She asked as if I said something unexpected.
"Oh... I'm 15"
"And do you have any memories of your infancy or childhood?"
"Yeah, but I'd rather not talk about it"
"OK, no problem... then you must be class 1-A"
"What? What does that mean?"
"Oh, I thought you already knew it, furs are classified depending on the phase they were born in and their growth pattern, the number can be from 1 to 3, 1 refers to being born as an infant, 2 as a teenager and 3 as an adult, and the letter goes from A to C, 'A' meaning you age naturally like a human does, 'B' means you are born in a certain phase and stay there, which means you never grow, the third is irrelevant, all furs of type 'C' were eliminated." she explained.
"Uh... Ok" I said slightly confused, and then continued, "But from what I remember the lab was destroyed, and so were the furs ".
"There were more survivors than you think, including you, and eventually they started reproducing, forming a relatively small community, It's only been about 10 years, so many of them are still young, but I still don't understand how did you end up between humans".
"Wait, you mean there's more of us?" I asked surprised.
"Yes, there are, look outside and you'll get an idea of what kind of people you'll be living around from now on."
I got up and walked towards the window, I looked outside and saw few furs of varied species, each minding their own business, I just walked back to the couch and said, "wow". I sat down and there was a brief silence, "Thank you, Mina... thank you" I said gratefully.
"No problem... so, would you like something to eat?" She said smiling.
"well, no thanks… just curious, what class are you?"
"I'm 3-B, I started as an adult, and will stay like that. Anyway, there's plenty to do around, so make yourself comfortable, I'll prepare some food in case you feel hungry".
I suddenly remembered, "Hey Mina, did you by chance take my backpack with you?"
"Sure, It's over there by the door" she said as she pointed to the main door.
I retrieved my backpack and opened it, searching through all the useless books, and found what I was looking for, a notebook with many markings that gave it a nice decoration, and my "stabbing pencil" as I called it, I had stabbed a few annoying people in school, and I kept it sort of like a trophy, it also had a few tooth marks.
I opened the notebook and saw many of my drawings, most of them portraying me in various costumes from robes to armors, my drawing skills were the only thing I was ever praised for at school, the rest I didn't show, or they didn't care. Between all those drawings there was a particular one that caught my attention, unlike the usual me in heavy armors covered in dark colors, I saw a drawing of myself as a cub, sleeping peacefully, I barely ever touched my passive side, I always had to look aggressive or evil, in this one I looked innocent, cute. Looking at it made me feel warmer inside, It had been a long time since I had that feeling.
Mina noticed my calm expression, "Hey, what's in that scary notebook?"
"Oh" I said without taking my eyes of the picture," Just some drawing I made in school".
"Can I see it?"
"Sure" I said as I handed her the open notebook, I had never shown that drawing to anybody else.
"Nice, you got skill, It's cute too"
"Thanks, you're the first to comment on it"
"And why is that?"
"I didn't let anybody else see that drawing before you, I suppose I was just shy of the big difference"
She then looked at the other drawings, "Not exactly cute, but they're still good, nice work umm..."
"Oh, my name's Ire" I said, realizing I hadn't properly introduced myself before.
"And do you have a last name?"
"Uh... no, dad never told me anything about it"
"Wait, you have a natural father?"
"Yes I... umm" then suddenly it came back to me, my voice now more serious “I uh... had... a father… but I don't want to talk about it, do you mind?"
"No, it's Ok"
"Thanks, umm... do you have somewhere to sleep?" I said trying to change the subject.
"Sure, there's a room upstairs, it only has a bed and some minor furniture, but it should be good enough to sleep"
"Okay, thanks again" I said as I picked up my back pack and headed upstairs, where I saw the room Mina mentioned, I entered, it looked like my old room, except less full of useless clutter. I closed the door behind me, left my backpack somewhere out of the way and laid down on the bed.
Before closing my eyes, I realized this was that “something” I’d been waiting for, and for the first time in a few years, things were starting to look better...

Last edited by Ire on Sun Oct 05, 2008 7:40 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Wed Jul 16, 2008 12:32 am

I really like the detail and story line I can't wait to see where it goes
(I wish I spoke a second language)
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Localisation : High in the Rocky Mountains
Registration date : 2007-03-11

PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Wed Jul 16, 2008 3:18 pm

Nicely written, especially if you're not a native English speaker.

I'm interested to see where this is going.
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Kin, the adorable fox


Number of posts : 583
Age : 26
Localisation : Ontario, Canada
Registration date : 2007-10-22

PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:48 pm

This story intrigues me.
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Age : 41
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:13 pm

Whoops, I thought I'd commented on this before, but it looks like I never did. It's a fascinating set-up, and I'm looking forward to more! Smile

Clever big squirrel!

(Avatar by Lig ^.^)
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:10 am

Thanks guys, BTW I'll start writing the next part today.
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:33 am

Here is part 2, I haven't posted art lately because the laptop where I draw is being used more often now that vacation is over. But I took a small opportunity to finish this part of the story.

Remember that this story takes place in my fursona's universe, and any character made by another person who makes an appearance will be simply here as a guest.

I woke up again, refusing to open my eyes in a futile attempt to stay in my dream, but I had already forgotten what the dream was about, still, I kept my eyes closed.
I covered myself with the blanket completely, then I realized, it all was wrapped around me, too thin to be a sleeping bag.
I nervously opened my eyes and examined it... "this isn't a blanket, this is some sort of huge shirt... my shirt!" I thought.
It was indeed my shirt, I moved out of it and looked at myself, everything was so much bigger, or more precisely, I was much smaller.
Somebody knocked on the door, and I heard a voice, it was Mina, I stared at the door, "I... uh...", was all I could say before noticing my high-pitched voice, then the door opened.
She looked at me for a short moment, with an expression I couldn't really find a meaning for, "Awake at last, come here" she said with a smile, extending her arms and getting closer to me.
Why wasn't she surprised? she just walked in as if this happened everyday, sort of, I had little time to think about this as she was approaching me, I quickly jumped off the bed and quickly left the room.
I ran through a corridor until I found a room with sliding mirrored doors, I got in and closed it, it was dark but I could tell it was a closet, it had all the usual items, but there was something that caught my attention, there was a stock of baby supplies hidden in the corner, I looked closely, and got more confused.
"but... who is the baby?" I said to myself, then I remembered my strange situation, simply thinking these things were for me made me blush deeply.
"GOTCHA!" I heard from behind me, I literaly jumped and landed facing the source, as I expected, it was Mina.
She laughed for a bit, probably because of the paralyzed look on my face, then lifted and held me closely in her arms.
I started squirming and struggling to get free, and could feel she was also having a hard time holding me. "'wet' me go!" I shouted, also noticing my lisp. I finally decided to give up and stay still.
"Shhhh... calm down, it's ok" she said, I looked away, not liking the idea of being held. "Now, I think we should get you dressed up a bit".
"D... 'dwessed' up?" I asked. My face was in shock again as I saw her take a diaper from the closet and show it to me, I once again struggled against her and managed to get free.
I quickly ran to another nearby room and pushed the door until it was closed, it looked like some kind of nursery, I ignored it for the moment, and looked for something to hide in, I saw a pile of plush toys and hid between them.
I heard the door open, and saw her walk in, she looked directly at me, reached her hand, but pulled a plush wolf and for some reason diapered it, I couldn't hold myself and giggled, but in doing so I gave her my exact location, but I'm pretty sure she already knew.
She pulled me out, lifted and set me facing up on a changing table, and before I could react appropriately, I was already strapped and in the process of being diapered.
She slid a diaper underneath me while fighting my feet, but it wasn't enough, specially because she was taking it as a game, Mina had a lot of patience.
She finished powdering me, pulled the diaper between my legs, slid my tail through an unusual tail hole, and taped it.
Mina unstrapped and put me on the ground, I ran towards a corner and, almost instinctively, took the diapered wolf with me and held it close.
"I not a baby!" I shouted, Mina just laughed, "So you're not a baby huh?, look in the mirror and I'm sure we'll agree" she said showing my reflection on a nearby mirror that seemed to have been placed there for this very moment.
She was right, over there was a small wolf cub, diapered and holding a plush tightly, I could've said I was cute, but I wasn't going to lose so easily, that is if I hadn't lost already.
"Well, I'll let you stay there as long as you want, are you hungry?", she said, I was hungry, but I said no, she could probably tell I was lying, but said nothing and walked out of the room, I followed, holding the plush.
The diaper had really reduced my mobility, it would now be hard for me to run away from her, but at least I was able to walk, I went downstairs and sat on the couch after some efforts to climb it, Mina was doing something in the kitchen.
"I see you're feeling closer to that wolf, he even looks like you", once again, she was right, I just sort of saw it and took it with me. "Maybe you should choose a name for him" she continued, I looked at it "...'Fuwy'".
"Furry?" she asked
"No, 'Fu-wy'"
"Fury? Strange name"
"'Wike' my dad" I continued.
"So that is your dad's name, still, it looks strange on something so small"
I didn't answer, I was still looking at the plushie who was now called Fury, and hugged it tightly.
Some time later I saw Mina walk towards me with a baby bottle in her hand, looking at my obvious disagreement, "Come on, you haven't had anything since yesterday, and while you drink I'll explain some things to you", she handed me the bottle and I took it nervously, more interested in what she had to say, and started drinking.
"Do you remember the 'C' class I mentioned yesterday?, well it seems you're one of them, the last one. Furs that are class 'C' have a rare growth pattern, once they reach an age defined during their creation process, they go back to an earlier age, this is why your body quickly went back to it's infancy
state, fortunately, you were able to keep some physical and mental abilities, but in many aspects, you're now a cub".
I was now making a bit more sense, but overall I was still confused, why did she react so normally to all this? "Why din't you 'tew' me?" I asked.
"I'm sorry, I just didn't know how you would take it, and we weren't even sure if this would happen, but it is now confirmed, oh... and earlier this morning, I guess I just got sort of excited by the idea of having a cub to take care of" she said with a smile.
I finished the bottle and looked down at my diaper with a disapproving expression, then she spoke again "I wasn't sure if your continence stayed with you but I preferred not to take any risks, I suppose we'll find out soon".
There was an awkward silence, but it was once again interrupted my Mina, "Ah, something else, your brother is going to be here soon".
"Huh? 'Bwother'?" I asked, apparently I was now officially her cub, and for some reason, it brought a strange sense of comfort to me, I felt eager to accept this new family, still, I was too shy to express it.
"Yes, your brother, he went to some camping, and was supposed to return early today, actually, he seems to be a little late".
As she talked, I heard something outside, and when I heard the door starting to open, I quickly hid underneath the couch.
The door opened, and a fur walked in, he seemed to be a combination of different species, and looked as old as I once was; he left his equipment near the door and sat on the couch, I just heard the conversation.
"Hi there, so how was it?" She asked, possibly trying not to say his name.
"It's been better, we do the same every time" He answered.
"Well at least you had fun didn't you?"
"Yeah, at least... hey, who's that baby bottle and plushie for?"
"Oh, you'll see soon" said Mina, I was glad she didn't show me directly.
"hmmm... anyway, Where's the TV remote?" he asked as he looked underneath the couch, right were I was.
"Err... what's that, mom? he asked, for some reason I felt a bit frightened and hid myself behind my tail, only showing part of my head.
"You'll see, I'll make him come out" Mina said as she approached me, "Come out Ire, Fury is waiting for you", she said as she showed me my plushie, I slowly crawled towards her, and when I got close enough, she grabbed and lifted me, I tried getting free again, but failed as she started tickling me, I giggled uncontrollably, when she stopped I was calm again, but blushed when I remembered I was being watched by my new brother.
"Ire, I'd like you to meet Berto" she turned her attention to him and continued, "Berto, this is Ire, your new brother", He only said "Hi", looking a bit confused, but certainly much less than I was. I slowly raised my paw but didn't say anything.
He looked like he was smiling, I wasn't sure, He sat back and turned on the TV.
"Now, who needs a change?", as Mina said this, I realized I had wet my diaper and didn't even notice, I blushed again and pointed at Fury, Mina smiled,
picked him up and took us both into the nursery.
"Well it seems that, unlike you, Fury is still dry" she said putting me down on the changing table, and started untaping the diaper, I blushed even more and covered my eyes, thankfully, it didn't take that long for her to clean me up, she was now powdering me, then finished by putting me in a clean diaper.
"Done, I was actually surprised you didn't struggle this time" she said.
"You'd tickle me again if I did"
She took me downstairs again and put me next to my brother, "so this is the guy you were talking about?" he asked.
"Yes he is, and just so you know, he's older than he looks" Mina replied.
"I know that but, prove it".
"How am I going to do that?"
I decided to speak again, "You can 'fee' my backpack".
"Oh, that's right!, I'll go get it" Mina then ran upstairs.
I looked up at Berto "I din't know you could be many 'fings' at same time"
"Well... I am"
"What 'fings' 'awe' you?" I asked
"a combination of a skunk, a raccoon and a cat, they call me a 'skoot'".
After a brief set of questions with my brother, Mina came back with my oddly decorated notebook and a regular school book.
"Wait, you went to a human school?" Berto asked, I nodded, Mina gave me the school book, and I aggresively started biting it, Berto was just looking at my drawings.
"It's sort of hard to believe he made this, when you look at him, but I believe you" he said.
"So, Ire, would you like to explore the outside world?" Mina said kindly.
I scratched my head, I barely left my house in my old life, but this was supposed to be different, so I accepted.
"Will you come with us Berto?"
"No thanks, I'm still a bit tired right now."
"OK then, come on Ire, let's put some clothes on you" Mina said as she walked upstairs, I followed.
When we got to the nursery, she opened a closet and asked "what colors do you like?"
"'Dawk Bwue' and 'Dawk Gween'" I said, noticing she had also prepared clothes for my arrival.
She showed me a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved dark green shirt, I nodded and she started dressing me. When she was finished we went back downstairs and said goodbye to Berto, then we went outside.
The day was very cloudy but still bright, it looked like it would rain soon. I raised my head and felt the cold wind, to me it was a beautiful day.
We passed trough a large group of houses, with some furs walking by, I also saw few shops and a park full of cubs and young furs, it had been so long since I had seen so many, there was also a group of large buildings which I couldn't really tell what were they for, the whole area had an interesting circular shape, with the park situated in the center, this place wasn't so bad after all.
When we got home, Berto was asleep on the couch, and Fury was laying on the floor, I quickly grabbed him and hugged it tightly, Mina asked again if I was hungry, I said, I was always barely hungry in my old life, and it was no different in this one, "Just water" I said, but she brought another baby bottle full of milk for some reason, I said nothing and took it, then started drinking while holding it with my paws and feet.
When I finished, I put the bottle aside, held Fury closely, closed my eyes and fell asleep...
"Wake up you sleepy guy, it's almost six" said Berto's voice from nearby.
I moved to a sitting position and rubbed my eyes, "you 'swept' too, 'whewe's mo... Mina?".
"She went out, but didn't tell me what for, come on, get up" he said as he helped me stand, I was still sleepy, and soon fell down to be caught in his arms.
"You probably didn't have enough sleep when you were big didn't you?" He lifted me, and carried me to my new room, I wasn't awake enough to mind the fact that he was changing my diaper, when he was done he put me in a dark blue sleeper and set me down on a crib.
"And 'Fuwy'?" I asked.
"Oh, right, I'll go get him" He said. Moments later he came back with Fury in his hand, he gave it to me and I hugged him. "Sleep well little guy' He said in a quiet voice, then he left the room and closed the door, it wasn't long before I was asleep again.
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Sun Aug 31, 2008 8:59 pm

I've been expecting this sort of criticism, thanks. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:57 am

It's a pretty entertaining story so far, Ire. I'm a sucker for a regression story. Wink
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:18 am

DarkSunDS wrote:
Ire wrote:
I've been expecting this sort of criticism, thanks. Smile
Wow, finally someone who reacts positively towards criticism.

I'm sure I'm way too harsh, though.

actually darksun for once i think you 'hit the nail right on the head' i agree with what you say

to be honest i think its a little rushed, it needs expanding. even if it was the characters biggest fantasy it would take longer than that to adjust to a new way of life
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:08 am

I totaly loved it but maybe I am biased for some reason.
I love how you discribe things in such detail but dont end up sounding like your droning on. The waking up in what seemed to be a blaket at first and then revealing that it was actually a shirt was a great idea.

And camping dose sound like something I would do, I love to go camping even if it has been years since I have been able to.
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Sun Sep 07, 2008 5:41 am

Now I have a question. If I edit a part of the story, should I make a new post or edit the original? And would it be worth it to read it all over again?
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PostSubject: Re: My first story, Part 2   Sun Sep 07, 2008 4:47 pm

Maybe repost but Italisize or under line the part you edit, and you wouldn't have to repost the entire thing just the parts near the edited stuff so we can see where it goes
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My first story, Part 2
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