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 Fantasy's Perfection

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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-07-27

PostSubject: Fantasy's Perfection   Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:03 pm

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Last edited by Noah Kokoro on Sun May 06, 2012 7:40 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Riolu

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Number of posts : 1610
Age : 27
Localisation : Attempting to keep Sai from driving Kyle insane.
Registration date : 2009-03-03

PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:55 pm

Very interesting. You have a way for description, props for that. A few sentences sounded wierd but the only one I got right now is "I assumed this was her way of trying to calmly," I think you may have meant "calm me" Other than that I see no grammatical or spelling errors. Very well done. Liked the nice cliff hanger at the end there. Nice touch.
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-07-27

PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Thu Jul 30, 2009 4:56 pm

Riolu wrote:
Very interesting. You have a way for description, props for that. A few sentences sounded wierd but the only one I got right now is "I assumed this was her way of trying to calmly," I think you may have meant "calm me" Other than that I see no grammatical or spelling errors. Very well done. Liked the nice cliff hanger at the end there. Nice touch.

Thanks for the compliments and thanks for pointing that out n.n *huggles*
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Localisation : Pensalvania USA
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Thu Jul 30, 2009 6:38 pm

This is pretty good for a first off story. Reminiscent of other ones I've seen but none the less pretty good in it's own right with some nice differences. Good Job. ^^

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Maxicoon

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Number of posts : 101
Age : 31
Localisation : Texas, USA
Registration date : 2009-05-27

PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Fri Jul 31, 2009 12:07 am

very very cute bwo. I love it great job.
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Wed Aug 19, 2009 2:51 pm

What is the reason you stopped, Noah? This story is gooooood!
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-07-27

PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:37 pm

Hector wrote:
What is the reason you stopped, Noah? This story is gooooood!

I didn't stop, I just haven't written a new part yet.
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:32 am

Would you continue it? Please? *shows cute puppy eyes*
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:44 pm

Hector wrote:
Would you continue it? Please? *shows cute puppy eyes*

I will when I can...don't get your hopes up.
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:39 pm

Thanks! *wags tail in excitement*
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Tue Oct 20, 2009 12:05 am

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Last edited by Noah Kokoro on Sun May 06, 2012 7:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:56 am

Nido: *gasps in amazement* Ish goooood! More!

Although there are some slight spelling errors every now and then, you manage to create a fine picture of what your main characters experiences. You gave us an image of someone that is turned into a toddler, but still thinks as an adult. I really love it; it was worth all the waiting.

P.S.: Is English your main language?
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Riolu

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Wed Oct 21, 2009 2:25 pm

I must have more! I'm loving this.
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-07-27

PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Wed Oct 21, 2009 6:09 pm

Hector wrote:
Nido: *gasps in amazement* Ish goooood! More!

Although there are some slight spelling errors every now and then, you manage to create a fine picture of what your main characters experiences. You gave us an image of someone that is turned into a toddler, but still thinks as an adult. I really love it; it was worth all the waiting.

P.S.: Is English your main language?

Thanks! But yes it is
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Noah Kokoro

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:55 pm

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Last edited by Noah Kokoro on Sun May 06, 2012 7:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Riolu

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 08, 2010 1:33 pm

I was laughing until the very end there. I shdder to think what will happen to ya' when you get to that daycare but I'm looking forward to finding out.
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:16 pm

Well, he might just as well meet some familiar furs... or would that be clichéd in this story?
Anyhow, Noah, you totally got my focus on this one. There are only two words to put here to summarize my comment:
1] CUTE!
2] MORE!
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-07-27

PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:35 pm

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Last edited by Noah Kokoro on Sun May 06, 2012 7:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Riolu

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:30 am

WHOAH! Talk about your 180's! This was getting so sweet and now you're hooking me in with cliffhangers of perilous foreshadowings! You're so mean but that is incredibly clever. Ri approves.
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Legandaryhon

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 22, 2010 6:06 pm

Hmmm... i've got a theory, but I'll keep it to my self. Very cute story! Let us hope that Him and Tyson get to stay together.
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:41 pm

Riolu wrote:
WHOAH! Talk about your 180's! This was getting so sweet and now you're hooking me in with cliffhangers of perilous foreshadowings! You're so mean but that is incredibly clever. Ri approves.

How am I mean? O O oh and Ri is a cute nickname ^ ^

Legandaryhon wrote:
Hmmm... i've got a theory, but I'll keep it to my self. Very cute story! Let us hope that Him and Tyson get to stay together.

What's your theory? *wags tail* Oh and nice to meet you ^ ^
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Legandaryhon

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:51 pm

Nice to meet you too!

My theory: I think he's dreaming, and it's about the past he has no knowledge of. But of course, now that I told you, that's probably not going to happen anymore.
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Riolu

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:06 pm

It's just mean to leave us with that big of a cliffhanger.
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Noah Kokoro

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Number of posts : 112
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-07-27

PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:54 pm

Legandaryhon wrote:
Nice to meet you too!

My theory: I think he's dreaming, and it's about the past he has no knowledge of. But of course, now that I told you, that's probably not going to happen anymore.

*huggles* Well thanks for telling me your idea, I enjoy hearing people's guesses ^ ^ Oh and I'm too stubborn to change my story even if someone guesses correctly or is close =P

Riolu wrote:
It's just mean to leave us with that big of a cliffhanger.

Aww put as a writer you know it makes people wish to read more =P *huggles*
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Riolu

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PostSubject: Re: Fantasy's Perfection   Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:28 am

Yeah, as a fellow writter I know how clever that is. *giggles and huggles* Making a cliffhanger the size of Mount Everest goes past clever, into devious and almost into the evil zone though. My character Ri would approve.
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