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 Furr High

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Tykari

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Number of posts : 4489
Age : 29
Registration date : 2006-11-05

PostSubject: Furr High   Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:35 am

A young silver fox can be seen entering the school and walkin straight past the admin office. Her name is Kari and she is trying to find her friends.
"Hmmm...I wonder where bun,lig,kaela, and kiru are"she ponders walkin towards her locker.
"Hi kari" says a liger and godzilla simutanously
"oh, hi there Kiru and Lig" she says smilin "How are you guys today"
I am fine Kari" says kiru leaning against the wall as kari begins to fell sick.
"Are you ok kari" they ask
After they say this she passes out falling on them.


Last edited by on Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
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kaiskune
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Number of posts : 464
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Registration date : 2006-10-24

PostSubject: Re: Furr High   Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:05 pm

its a good start but it would be better if you wrote a little more as an introduction instead of a few lines

i hope you write some more
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Lig
Head Kitten
Head Kitten
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Number of posts : 11138
Age : 29
Localisation : Pensalvania USA
Registration date : 2006-10-15

PostSubject: Re: Furr High   Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:38 pm

Not bad Kari but Kiru isn't a Vulpix. Thats Kais there. Kiru is a godzila. But not to bad. Next time though make it longer.

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My dearest friends are those who I have yet to even meet but I feel as if I've known them for years. You guys are my best buddys but you Kiru most
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Tykari

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Registration date : 2006-11-05

PostSubject: Re: Furr High   Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:42 pm

"Kari" yells lig rushin to grab her before her head hits the ground.
"is she ok" asks bun walkin up on them with kaela
"we are not sure so what happened but please help us get her to the infirmary" says lig tears in his eyes
"will do" they say in unionson
Kari's hand slowly gribs ligs as a sign that she will be ok.
Kiru helps then and they walk to the infirmary.
"Nurse" yells Lig kari in his arms
"yes lig whats wrong" says the nurse walkin up to him from behind her desk
"kari is not well" he replys
"just set her on the exam table and bun and keala go tell her teachers she will be here for the day while the boys stay behind" she says as they lay her on the exam table
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kaiskune
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Registration date : 2006-10-24

PostSubject: Re: Furr High   Tue Nov 28, 2006 3:19 pm

better. but you should try to write it as a story. no offence but it sounds a little too much like some cheesy RP
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Tykari

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Age : 29
Registration date : 2006-11-05

PostSubject: Re: Furr High   Tue Nov 28, 2006 5:22 pm

well see its just that i am not good at writting stories and would love to get help on redoing this one
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BabyBunny

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Registration date : 2006-10-16

PostSubject: Re: Furr High   Sun Dec 03, 2006 12:21 pm

ooooh! Can I try a doing a redo too?
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