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 Mr. Twicks Part One (Mature Content) Re-Write

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The Sleeping Fox



Number of posts: 129
Age: 24
Registration date: 2007-06-02

PostSubject: Mr. Twicks Part One (Mature Content) Re-Write   Sat May 29, 2010 7:23 pm

After alot of very constructive critisism I decided to to re-write Part One of Mr.Twicks. I added more information and even some history on the main character.

I hope you enjoy.

Comments welcome.




Book 1: The Reluctant Boy
What a child doesn't receive he can seldom later give. ~P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest

Part 1


On July 19th 1994 at 11:42 am and 23 seconds, a dove of the Zenaida macroura species, whom in one pair can raise up to six broods in a year met her demise after flying into a third story window of the Asa Hospital, which was located between the Saint-Carroll Street and Archer. At that exact second, outside an ice cream parlor, Nina Mendez took her first bite of ice cream in months. Effectively ending what was to be a very positive new year’s resolution. At the same time on Belmont Avenue outside the home of the O’Conner family, little Billy waited for his father to leave for work, so that he might skip school in order to attend a Fun Fair that was in town.

Still at the same second, back at the Asa Hospital, inside the third story room that held the window in which the dove effectively ended her life. Mrs. Donovan a young arctic fox was giving birth to a boy whom she would call Christopher.

Christopher’s mother, Catherine Donovan, was an X-Ray Technician at the very hospital she was giving birth. She had always been very confident and a bit overbearing. She doesn’t like it when restaurant waiters are rude. She doesn’t like it when people lie blatantly, or when she wakes up with messy hair. What she did like was the crunch when she bites into pickles, the smell of wet grass after a morning rain and the satisfaction of a properly shampooed carpet.

As for Christopher’s father, Mrs. Donovan refuses to divulge any information pertaining to the irresponsible cad.

Sadly, as is common knowledge, it is bad luck if a dove flies into a window of the room you are currently in. In fact it was such bad luck for Mrs. Donovan that it had set in motion the events that would end her short twenty three years of life. It came upon the time she was leaving the hospital with her bouncing bundle of joy. Like the many other times she left the hospital, she tossed a coin in the wishing fountain outside the hospital entrance.

She wished for what she always did, “A million dollars and a knight in shining armour to come Wisk her away. Sadly the fates had other plans for her that day. It wasn’t a sack of money and a man in a shiny tinfoil shirt that fell from the sky that day. It was in fact a single pane of glass from a third story window of the Asa Hospital. Alas, this was the life of young Christopher, the crestfallen boy.

So on July 19th 1994 at 7:50 pm and 02 seconds Christopher was processed into the long and harrowing system of Foster care. Luckily being such a young child he was adopted merely a month later. Unluckily, disaster seemed to follow the poor boy like a lost puppy. Family after family was put through, bankruptcy, injury, a multitude of sickness and for one particularly unfortunate family, an extremely rare form of flesh eating bacterium. Christopher never did find a permanent family.

Being jinxed, hexed, star crossed or whatever someone may call it, Christopher was sick in early life. This was thought to be why he did not age properly, but there is no proof of that. Because of his inability to age, at four years old he was sent to a government lab to be studied. Almost immediately the scientists had given up on him, but seeing as they liked their funding, they decided to just “wing it”.

After Ten straight years of studying the boy, prodding him, poking him, taking blood samples, and giving him injections, the only results they had created were that of a prematurely bitter child. Upon showing their findings, or lack thereof, the government cut their funding and the small fox boy was placed back into the drudgery or foster care.

The only problem with placing a fur into foster care that has not had normal contact with the outside world and has been put through pseudo torture or the past ten years is that they tend to become anti-social and prone to violent outbursts.

Indifferent would be a word to describe Christopher. By the ripe age of fourteen, he had experienced more heartache and disaster than many in their late forties. But even the bitterest of children have likes and dislikes. Christopher likes crusts of peanut butter sandwiches, figuring out the ending of movies before they finish and making up plans for any and every situation but not going through with them. He doesn’t like it when people touch him, the fact that he has gone through puberty but still looks like a toddler and when people chew with their mouth open.

The Caretakers at the Sunny-Dayz orphanage didn’t know what to do with him. One Miss. Sandra Jenkins a middle aged spaniel in fact quit upon an encounter with Christopher. She thought that because he looked like a toddler it was a good idea that he should be treated like one. He thought she looked bad with a ponytail and thought it a good idea to cut it off. After that day the caretakers made it an absolute priority for everyone to know the boy was a teenager and was to be treated as one.

Although he was considered a special case, Christopher Donovan was definitely due for an attitude check. A check that would come in late May on a hot and sticky afternoon, when a large bear arrived at the orphanage. The Grizzly, while he did not look it, was 200 pounds of pure brawn. His fur a soft cocoa that blended in nicely with the red on his muzzle.

Just like the other days when adults came to the orphanage all the cubs tried to put on their cutest act. But something was different about this Grizzly; he seemed to be looking for someone in particular. He overlooked little Suzy Jones, an adorable panda girl with pigtails in her hair. He walked past Gregory Simpkins a puppy that was chasing his tail and even didn’t see James Grey a cat boy who was playing with a small sparkling light on the wall.

The Grizzly searched the room for someone who looked like they needed a good home. His fell upon one of the most miserable looking creatures the Grizzly had ever seen. It was a small fox boy sitting alone in the furthest corner of the room. He made his way over to the despondent boy. The boy’s shoulders were slumped; he was glaring at the floor and he was talking to himself. His pure white fur was obstructed by blotches of soft brown; it was obvious upon further study that this boy wasn’t a normal toddler.

“Hey there,” the Grizzly smiled at fox, “My name’s Twicks, what’s yours’?”

The fox looked at the grizzly and grimaced. He didn’t answer and looked back at the ground. He was playing with a small silver bracelet on his wrist.

“You okay?” Twicks asked the boy.
“Twicks is a weird name,” the fox told him venomously.

Twicks laughed and stood up. This was definitely a boy in need of a good home. He made his way out of the room and to the main office of the orphanage.

Someone might look at the name Twicks as weird or unfortunate, but the grizzly didn’t seem to mind. In fact he liked his name, it suited him. Twicks had a dislike for liars, the taste of fish and when people pick on those smaller than them. But what he did like was the smell of baby powder wafting through the air, the sound of birds chirping in the morning and of course being a father.

As he entered the Office he was greeted by Marian Baker, an elderly Calico woman, who also happened to be the Director of Sunny-Dayz Orphanage.

“Hello Twicks,” Marian joyfully greeted her old friend, “I trust you found a child to give a home to?”
“Yes actually,” he said smiling, “a young Fox boy, brown blotches in his fur,”
The Calico’s smile dropped, “I have to tell you that he’s been a...special case ever since he has gotten here,” she told him, “he’s prone to antisocial and aggressive behaviour”.
“But he’s so young.”
“Christopher is actually fifteen years of age; when he first came to us a year ago he had spent most of his life in a government lab because he wasn’t aging properly.”
“That doesn`t matter,” Twicks told her, glad that he at least now knew the boy’s name, “I want to give him a good home,”
“Well you are wonderful with Ruff,” she told him, “Let’s fill out the paperwork,”

* * *

It was a few months before Chris left the orphanage, but when the large Grizzly came back in a black four wheel drive SUV to take him to what was to be his “fresh new start,” he was already planning ways to get sent back to the orphanage. Christopher did not like getting to know people. He had tried back when he first arrived at the government lab but the scientists wanted nothing to do with him that didn’t involve testing. So eventually he gave up any hope of getting close to anyone.

It took three hours of driving through the countryside to get to Bear’s home. The house was a large Mountain View log home set in cobblestone and nestled in the shallow woods outside the small town of Denwood. The house was definitely nicer than the other homes Chris had been sent to. The exterior had been well kept and there were no blemishes to be seen. Twicks obviously had taken great care in keeping the home nice but to Chris it still made no difference, he would still be gone soon.

“Well, here we are,” Twicks told the boy as he put the vehicle in park, “your new home.”
“Not for long,” Chris mumbled.

The bear pretended not to hear him as he unbuckled his seatbelt. After getting out of the vehicle he made his way around the SUV to open the back door for Chris.

“Sorry about the locks,” Twicks said for Chris’s sake, “I have another little one with busy hands so I have to turn on the child safety.”

Chris rolled his eyes and hopped out of the backseat.

“Why don’t you head inside,” Twicks told the boy as he grabbed Chris luggage out of the `trunk of his SUV, “I’ll be in shortly,”

Chris slowly made his way up the paved grey stone path to the front door. He stood at the door reluctant to go in. Something felt different about this house. When he did enter the house it wasn’t as large as it looked on the outside, even though it could house a family of five comfortably.

The main floor had an open concept with no walls separating the living room, dining room and kitchen. The ceiling was tall and the walls a more refined version of the exterior logs. It was apparent that Twicks had put in a lot of time, caring for and arranging everything so that it looked absolutely perfect. The mahogany floors had been polished to a sheen to match the log crafted furniture.

As Chris looked around at the decor, his eyes settled on a tall vase. Looking back through the door he saw that the bear had just started to make his way towards the house. He then quickly made his way over to the tall vase and nonchalantly pushed it over causing it to smash on the ground.

He then heard the sound of footsteps running up the porch and into the house. A feeling of accomplishment came over him, followed by his own self satisfied idea that he was clever.

“Chris!” the bear called out to him.

Chris grinned, one step closer to being sent away. He stifled his smile
before turning around to face Twicks. The fox shrugged looking emotionlessly at the bear.

“Are you okay?”

This wasn’t the response he was expecting. Chris was a bit disappointed in his reaction. The bear then set down the luggage and approached the boy looking genuinely concerned.

“Did you hurt yourself?” he asked as he knelt down and tried to place his hands on the boy’s shoulder.

This made the boy back away, he shook his head no. Chris was a bit confused about this Bear. Twicks seemed to genuinely care about him. He would have to get sent back to the orphanage soon.

“You got to be more careful,” Twicks explained, “there’s some things here little hands shouldn’t touch.”
“I’ m not little,” Chris replied indignantly.

The bear chuckled. He knew that, but if he was going to help this rebellious teen it would go better if he eased him into his new life. It would seem they both had plans unknown to each other but with opposing goals, it was only a matter of time before one overpowered the other.

“Let’s bring your luggage to your room,” Twicks told the boy.
“My room?” he questioned.
“Yeah it’s right beside Ruff’s” the bear explained.
“You mean I get my own room?”
“Yes, you do,” he replied, “that is unless you don’t want your own room; I can push your bed into-
“No, that’s okay,” he cut him off. If Chris was going to be here for any amount of time, he thought he might as well be comfortable.

They made their way to the second floor, Twicks following Chris with his luggage.

“Second door on the left,” Twicks pointed to a plain brown door beside another that had colourful letters that read “Ruff.” They continued through the barren door to find a rather simple room.

“Sorry your room is so boring,” he told him, “I didn’t know what you liked,”

Chris almost smiled. Almost, but he couldn’t forget his plan. He didn’t want to be here and no amount of bribery would keep him from his goal. He made his way into the room and ran his hand across the smooth blue comforter on the single bed. He breathed in deeply, the sweet smell of fabric softener met his nose. Freshly washed linens were another of the things Christopher liked.

“Do you need any help unpacking?”
“Why?” the boy retorted, “It’s not like I’m going to be here for long,”
“Don’t be like that,” Twicks placed his hand on Chris’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” He yelled slapping the bear’s paw of his shoulder. Any physical contact seemed to make the boys fur stand on end. If he could change the feeling he would, but it was the way he was. Chris looked angrily up at the Grizzly. In response, Twicks brought his paws to his waist and gave Chris a look only father’s can give children.

“If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one,” he warned the fox, “You only get one warning,”

The Fox gave Twicks a “yeah right,” look before walking past the bear and out of the room. The bear smirked at the Fox; it would seem his plan would come to fruition faster than he thought.

“So Mister Fox,” The bear said smiling at the tiny teenager “Is there any questions you have for me?”
“A few...” he replied thinking of the multiple rude questions he could ask, but he settled on a genuine one, “Who’s this Ruff?”
“You want to know about Ruff,” he stated, “well he’s my special little guy; always has a smile for his daddy. He can be a bit mischievous at times, but I love him,”
“Sappy,”
“What was that?”
“So he’s your biological son I’m guessing?”
“No silly,” the bear laughed, “I adopted him, just like I hope to adopt you,”

Chris rolled his eyes, “Not likely,” he thought to himself.

“But he’s at a friend’s for a birthday sleepover so you won’t get to see him until tomorrow,”
“That’s a shame,” Chris replied sarcastically.
“Hey Mister, watch the attitude,” the bear set down the fox’s luggage beside the bed.

The fox boy grumbled to himself, and the two furs headed back downstairs. Chris made sure to make a picture in his mind of everything breakable in the house so that he might cause more havoc later. When they got downstairs the two furs walked over to the kitchen. It was an Oak wrap around kitchen with an island instead of a table. The granite counter tops were a smoky grey and the appliances stainless steel.

“Are you hungry?” Twicks asked as he got a hand broom and dustpan from the cupboard underneath the kitchen sink, “If you want I can make you something after I clean up the Vase,”
“Sure, whatever,” the boy replied impertinently as he climbed up onto a stool by the island.

It only took Twicks a few minutes to clean up the shards. The bear couldn’t help but wonder how the fox came to break such a large container. As soon as he was done discarding the vase he was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for his new charge. He brought it to Chris, who was playing with his bracelet again.

Twicks set it in front of the boy and received a defiant look from the fox. Impertinence was the only goal for Chris so he picked up the plate with the sandwich on it and dropped it onto the floor.

“I don’t want it,” Chris sneered.
“Fine with me,”

The bear smiled down at the small teenager. This wiped the sneer off of Chris’s face and made him feel a bit uneasy. He was planning something and this worried the boy. Usually he was the only one with plan.

“I warned you,” the bear told him before grabbing him by the arm, pulling
him off of the stool and onto his feet. Twicks then kneeled, yanked down the boy’s pants and smacked him hard on his bottom.

The boy yelped. A mixture of confusion, shock and anger surged through the boy’s being.

Twicks continued with four more smacks to his bottom but Chris would have none of this. He turned towards the bear, blushing furiously and smacked him on the muzzle.

“I’m calling the orphanage and I’m telling-

But his sentence was cut off by the Bear throwing him over his shoulder. Blank faced. Twicks stood up and started towards the stairs.

“You’re Crazy!” the boy yelled thrashing about.
“I warned you,” was all the bear said. He continued up to the second floor and walked over to the bedrooms opening a door.
“So what, you’re sending me to my room?” The fox laughed at the idea of such a juvenile punishment. An assumption he made before realising exactly where he was.

It was Ruff’s room. The walls were brightly coloured and decaled with Winnie the pooh stickers, childish drawings and family photos. To the immediate left upon entering and on the further left wall was a set of cribs, one soft blue and the other pastel yellow. A large toy box sat underneath the window on the wall parallel to the door. A moderation of toys and stuffed animals surrounded the large colourful box. To the left of the box was a rocking chair and to the right was a tall blue dresser with yellow drawers, which stood closely to a white bracketed closet door.

“What are we doing in this room?” the boy spat,
“I warned you,” was all he was able to say.

Twicks pulled off the boy’s pants and underwear from around his ankles. Chris was furious but at the same time fearful of what was to come. Next Twicks removed his socks. Chris struggled the entire time. Finally while setting him down, Twix quickly grabbed and pulled off the boy’s shirt.

“What are you doing you perv, I’m a teenager, can’t treat me like this,”
“All I see is a toddler,” the bear retorted, “at least that’s what your actions prove,”
“Screw you!” the fox yelled as he tried to slide underneath the Bear’s legs but his attempt was unsuccessful, as the bear quickly brought his legs together trapping him. Twicks then grabbed the boy by the ankles and hauled him into the air.
“Now you listen here,” the bear said in a tone that shook the fox to his very core, “You were warned and I don’t know how other foster parents treated you, but in my house if you act like a toddler you get treated like one,”

Twicks brought Chris over to changing table and struggled with him a bit before being able to strap him in. Twix did feel a bit guilty forcing this upon the boy but in the long run knew that it was for the best. He only wished that it hadn’t happened on the boy’s first day. Twicks made sure that the boy’s arms were properly restrained causing Chris to yell out in a juvenile attempt to show his disdain.

“You can’t do this!”
“Watch me,” the bear kept one hand on the boy’s ankles while he took out a thick toddler’s diaper, “The sooner you stop struggling the faster we get this over and done with,”
“I’m not letting you put that on me!” Chris’s threats quickly turned to pleading, “You can’t!”
“I like my cubs thickly padded,” the bear told him as if he had not heard the fox’s pleas, “it prevents leaks,”

He wasn’t about to admit he thought it was cute when cubs waddled. The bear was quick to place the diaper underneath Chris. He had dealt with Ruff when he was fussy, so this wasn’t all that unusual. He was quite astute doing things one handed, which showed when he unscrewed the cap off of a small tub of zinc ointment. Swiping a dollop of the cream onto two fingers he began to rub it into the teen’s exposed private area.

“Stop!” Chris pled to no avail; his anger seemed to be eclipsed by embarrassment.

The bear hummed a tune as he spread the ointment thoroughly making sure to get in between the fox’s every nook and cranny. It was then the small teenager’s loin began to stir. The bear ignored the boy’s proportionate pink bud, but Chris couldn’t help but make it his main focus. He hated the fact that any part of this treatment could make him feel...that way.

The bear finished with the ointment and doused his rump with an ample amount of baby powder, but he made sure to rub some into the boy’s chest before putting it away.

“There, now you’ll smell sweet even after you use your diaper,” the bear chuckled as he pulled the diaper tightly then taping it shut.
“You’re a pervert!” Chris was red faced and glaring up at the bear.
“No, I’m teaching you a lesson mister,” the bear explained tapping the teen on the muzzle, “You have no one but yourself to blame,”

Chris wanted nothing but to hurt Twicks. His anger had become his overlaying emotion once again. No one had ever dared to treat him like this, he felt as if he were going to explode.

“I know you’re angry now, but you’ll get over it,”

Twicks unstrapped Chris from the change table making sure that when he picked him up that the fox’s arms were secured. Chris struggled trying to get free. He tried kicking the bear but he didn’t seem to notice. Twicks continued to the closet, opened it and grabbed the first pair of footed pyjamas he saw.

“I’m not wearing that!” Chris felt obligated to yell his objections.

The bear laughed before taking a seat on the rocking chair so he could have better control of the writhing teen. He held the fox’s legs between his own while he slipped the fuzzy plain yellow garment over the boy’s feet. Upon pulling it up to his waist he forced the boy’s arms into the sleeves. Finally he pulled the zipper up to the teen’s chin.

“I hate you!” he yelled of frustration began to form in his eyes.
“I think you need a nap,” he told the boy in a condescending tone.

Once again Chris glared at the bear, “good luck keeping me in one place,”

Twicks said nothing as he stood up. Restraining Chris was a lot easier now that he had used up most of his energy. He made his way to the dresser, opened the top drawer and grabbed out what looked to be bunched up strips of fabric. He then sat back in the rocking chair and got to work.
Twicks easily worked the fabric around the boy’s chest. It wasn’t until he heard a loud click and saw a key in Twicks’ hand that Chris realised what it was. A locking Cub Harness.

“I guess luck is on my side,” the Bear said smugly bringing the fox over to the yellow crib, “I got this because Ruff loved getting out of his crib at night, so it should keep you in place as well.”
“I’m still going to be gone soon,” Chris told the bear.
“Oh cheer up,” Twicks replied while setting the fox in the Crib and padlocking the harness tether to bars, “I’m going to forgive all the bad words you used today because it’s you first day in your new home,”
“This isn’t my new home!”
“Don’t worry, you’ll soon be happy here,” Twicks smiled as he made his way towards the door and shut off the lights,
“I’ll never be happy here!” Chris repeated those famous last words.
“Have a good sleep Chris,” Twicks slowly shut the door, “tomorrow’s a brand new day.”


Last edited by The Sleeping Fox on Mon May 31, 2010 1:23 am; edited 2 times in total
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JacktheWox



Number of posts: 185
Age: 18
Localisation: United Kingdom
Registration date: 2010-03-17

PostSubject: Re: Mr. Twicks Part One (Mature Content) Re-Write   Sat May 29, 2010 7:34 pm

Exciting and interesting!

I loved how you emphasized how bratty the teenager was
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The Sleeping Fox



Number of posts: 129
Age: 24
Registration date: 2007-06-02

PostSubject: Re: Mr. Twicks Part One (Mature Content) Re-Write   Sun May 30, 2010 10:24 pm

I re-wrote the first part
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Mr. Twicks Part One (Mature Content) Re-Write

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