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The Sleeping Fox


Number of posts : 129
Age : 28
Registration date : 2007-06-03

PostSubject: Eden3   Fri Jun 15, 2007 1:33 am

A New character, plot changes, and better grammer...How's this for redone! Please tell me if this is any better then the rough...

Eden3: The Story of Z’ev
Part One


Year Twenty Thirty-Two.

The society of tomorrow

At least…that’s what they call it.

To me this place is a prison. It’s the last society on earth since world war five and the Elders tell us we can’t go outside this place because everything outside is dead. It really makes no difference to me. I long for the day when I can go outside this “hellhole”. My name is Z’ev, I’m seventeen, and this is my story.

Part one

The air was cold that night. The streets were dead silent and there wasn’t a sign of a police officer anywhere. Everyone was at the town’s anniversary. The circumstances were perfect. I was going to run. Scale the walls and run. I don’t know where, I know now when I will get there, all I know is that I’m going to run.

I woke up to my friend Kent shaking me. The air in the halfway house was stagnant and old the only light in the room was from the streetlight outside the window. I hated this place. The smell, the look, and the sounds this building made. I despised it to my very core.

“Come on,” Kent said in a whisper, “we need to go.”

The young white rabbit seemed so eager to leave. Kent was cute. He had brown splotches of fur mixed in with the white. One that really stood out to me was the brown surrounding his right eye. It really set him apart from everyone else. He wore jeans most the time with a form fitting black shirt and at the top of his left ear he had three ring piercings.

“Hurry up or we will miss our chance to skip out of this town”
“Okay okay, could you let me get ready first?” I said pulling on some pants.

You see Kent and me are quite alike in many aspects, even though I am a grey wolf and he’s a bunny. We both have been living in the same halfway house since I we were two. We wear the same clothes, we’re both physically fit but not toned, we both look like we’re eight years old and we’re both part of the Lycan Generation.

When we finally had everything together and we raided the house’s pantry we left. We snuck out of the house through the bathroom window and down a rusted old drainpipe and when we got out of the alleyway behind the house it was just like I had expected.

“This is great,” I said happily as I gazed upon the empty streets, “we’ll have no problems ditching this place tonight.”
“Don’t jinx it,” Kent said quietly, “and stop speaking so loud.”

We headed towards the old part of town. As we passed each block to it, the houses got more decrepit and decayed until finally we reached the weak point in the town’s wall. It had taken us three months to find this place.

“Let’s go,” I said as I started to scale the decaying wall.”

When we were almost at the top I saw the shadow of someone creeping up the walls beside us.

“Someone’s coming,”

We started climbing faster but it was to late. The police lights flashed; we both knew that we were caught but we kept on climbing. Then it came. A sharp electrical shock that surged through my body. They were using a sin stick on us. My body seized up letting go of the wall, I hit the ground with a thud and everything went black.

They call us troublemakers just because we don’t abide to a few of the societies rules. Well…most of the rules, but most of the Lycan generation have that quirk about them, and what do you expect…I’m a teenager.

When I woke up I was in a police car. Kent was sitting beside me but he was still incapacitated. I noticed that their was a familiar panther driving the car, and when he finally realised I was awake he looked back at me and laughed.

“There’s no trial for you now Grolls, you should have listened ”
“Piss off Raja,” I replied in an angry tone.

Racist bastard. The only reason he is dedicated to getting us in trouble, is because were Lycan Babies.

I guess I should explain. During the fifth world war the enemies of Haven launched a biological attack on our people, but for some reason only pregnant woman and males survived this attack. They attacked us with what we call Lycanophene gas it caused the pregnant woman to heal faster, and have longer pregnancies, but a large percentage of the male population mutated or went mentally insane.
Those weren’t the only effects of Lycanophene gas. The children born from the elongated pregnancies aged slower. That’s why we’re called Lycanophene generation or the Lycan babies.

After Kent woke up and a couple more racist remarks from Raja, we pulled up in front of the grand council’s building, which was weird because we usually got brought to the police precinct. Maybe he wasn’t joking about the “no trial thing.”

Raja got out of the car; opened the door and pulled us out of the back seat.

“Lets go,” he growled, “the Grand Elder will know what we should do with you two.”
“Come on, Raja, you’ve got to be kidding,” I laughed nervously.
“Yeah,” Kent joined in, “the Grand Elder’s has better thing to do then deal with us.”
“You would think that, wouldn’t you Groll?”
“Fuck you Raja,”

As Kent said this, the large panther picked him up by his scruff and threw him into a large office decorated with very old and creepy antiques. Raja sat us down and walked out of the room.

“What do you think is going to happen?” I asked Kent.
“It will probably be another slap on the wrist, we’ll be fine.”

Suddenly the door jerked open and we turned our attention towards an ancient Puma in long draping robes being escorted by Raja.

“Z’ev and Kent,” the puma said in an old cracking sinister voice, “we finally meet…so you’re the one who has been breaking all my rules.”
“Yeah, and? I replied with a smirk, “what if we are?”

As I said this, Raja backhanded me out of my chair.

“Never speak to the elder like that,” He yelled.

Then Kent lunged at the older male panther, but he moved aside and grabbed him by the throat.

“Foolish boy,” he taunted as he turned him towards the elder and picked me up off the ground, “What should we do with these two?”

The elder looked over Kent and then turned to me and got really close to my face as if he were studying me.

“They look like perfect subjects for Eden Three,” he said in a maniacal voice.
“As you wish my liege,” he said as he bowed.

Raja turned towards the door, and called for another guard. A large bear entered the room, and Kent was handed off to him. My eyes went wide and I tried to struggle, I reached out for Kent but I was subdued by Raja as he dragged me out of the office. When we got into the hallway he threw me over his shoulder and we started walking deeper into the building.

The hallway was long and archaic. It was lined with art statues and portraits of previous counsellors and very few elders. We finally came to a stop at what looked to be a dead end, but Raja moved a painting and typed a code into the hidden keypad.

An almost discoloured part of the wall moved revealing an old, castle-like spiral staircase. When we finally reached the bottom we entered what looked to be a science lab but the rooms design looked to be like a torture chamber and in the centre was a steel table. There were cabinets, cupboards and a few table lined with tools all around the room.

Raja stood me up, tore away my clothing and strapped me to a cold steel table. As he was leaving a terribly scared white cat in a lab coat walked into the room.

“Guess this will be the last time I see you,” Raja laughed, then he whispered something to the scientist and left the room.

I tried to struggle free but the restraints were too strong.

“Oh you’re perfect for Eden three,” the scientist said.
“What are you going to do with me?” I cried.
“You’ll see,” he laughed.

“Damn it,” I thought to myself with tears now streaming down my face, “this can’t get any worse.”
“What are you crying about,” the scientist said breaking my thought process, “I haven’t even given you a reason to cry.”

The smug cat then went over to a small table, and picked up a needle marked Eden3 and walked back to me.

“Please don’t,” I pleaded.

“Don’t worry little one,” he said in an anticipant tone, “this wont hurt a bit…it will hurt a lot.”

He stuck the needle into my lower abdomen my whole body seized up. I hated needles. He started to inject me with the serum and a white-hot pain flared through my entire body. I tried to scream but the pain was too intense. Soon enough it became too much and I passed out.

* * *

When I woke up I clutched my stomach. The pain had lessened but it was still there. As my vision cleared I looked around but it wasn’t much use. The room was pitch black. I felt around to see where I was.

“Bars, did they put me in a cell?” I thought to me self, “no, it’s to small to be a cell, maybe a cage.”

I felt around my body to see if anything was wrong with me. I realised I was wearing a collar, and then I heard a crinkle. I felt my crotch area and I was wearing a…

“DIAPER!” I said in shock, “What the Hell!”

Suddenly something beeped loudly, and a computerized voice said, “Subject 513, one demerit for foul language.”
“What the Fuck was that!”
“Subject 513, one demerit for foul language.”

That’s when I heard a faint noise. The door in the room slid open and the lights went on. When my eyes adjusted to the light I realised I was in a nursery. The walls were a baby blue; there was a changing table near the door, and a dresser on the opposite wall. There was a window above the crib in which I was sitting, but it was sealed and barred. Beside me was another crib and in it was Kent but he was already awake.

“I hope this is some horrible dream.” I said to him.
“Me too.”

I then noticed a tall female snow leopard walking towards me. She was quite young, maybe eighteen. She was wearing a pastel blue t-shirt, beige pants, and an I.D card that had Eden3 on it in big letters with her picture beside it. I looked up at her with a confused look upon my face, and then opened my mouth.

“ First of all, who the hell are you?” Kent spoke up.
“Subject 512, one demerit for foul language.”
“Where are we, why are we wearing diapers, and what is this place?”
“Excuse me!” she said sternly, “You will never talk to me like that again or you’ll get your speaking privileges taken away.”
“Our speaking privileges?” I joined in.
“Yes,” She replied, “ My name is Anne, but you two are going to call me mommy, you are in Eden’s nursery sector, and your wearing a diaper because of the program in which you are both under.”

We both looked at her in awe.

“First of all lady, I’m not calling you mommy,” I told her in a confident tone, “ and secondly”-

Then I choked, no wait…I couldn’t speak, and Anne was holding a remote, which she was pointing at my collar.

“You going to listen?” Anne said angrily.

I nodded, and she hit another button on the remote.

“Why am I here?”
“You’re here to be re-trained, and I’m here so that I can get a fertility licence.”
“You want to have babies?” Kent said questioningly.
“Yes I want to have babies,” she explained, “ and speaking of babies, you’re messy.”
“ No, I’m not, I don’t use diapers.”

Then I felt it. I had messed my diaper, but why?

“How did you do that?”
“I didn’t do anything, you did.”
“No way, I don’t do that,” I told her, “I’m not incontinent.”
“You are now,” she laughed, “you got the injection.”
“ That’s what the injection did!” Kent cried, “I don’t want to be incontinent!”
“Reverse it, now!” I yelled at her
“Watch it mister!” she retorted, even if I could it doesn’t matter; besides we need to get you changed.”

She then lowered the cribs railings and went to take me out.

“This is my chance,” I thought to myself.

I jumped out of the crib; pushed Anne over, I hit the release on Kent’s crib and we dashed for the door. As we reached it, it shut locked, and both of us went limp, sending us crashing on top of each other. I scraped my elbows on the carpet, and tears welled up in my eyes and I started to cry. For some reason it hurt more then normal, but why was I crying.

Then Anne came and stood over me.

“Another handy-dandy collar feature,” She smirked, picking me up and consoling me.
I nuzzled my face in to her shoulder and started to wonder what was going on.

“If your wondering about the pain and the way you acting, She explained, “the Eden scientists have inserted nano-chips into your body, that work together with your collars making you more receptive to pain, they will at points give you tendencies to act like a baby, and that is what allows me to control your body like this.”
“W-why,” I choked, “why do they even need to do that?”
“It helps with the training, and that’s all you need to know.”

After I had calmed down, Anne set me on the changing table and smirked. She untapped my diaper, and my face blushed a crimson red. She removed my messy diaper, threw it out, and continued to clean me very slowly and almost lovingly. She then went of to a cabinet; unlocked it, and pulled out the biggest, thickest disposable diapers I had ever seen.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I thought to myself as I noticed Kent snickering out of the corner of my eye.
“I wouldn’t be snickering,” Anne told Kent, “you’re next.”
“But...I’m haven’t wet or messed in this thing yet,”’
“Yes I know, but you did try to run.”

She finally finished changing me and proceeded to do the same to Kent. She took off the table and set him beside me on the ground and hit the remote. I tried to stand up but I just fell back down again

“There, these should keep you two from running anywhere,” she said as she dressed Kent and me in matching blue onesies, “you try another running stunt again, and this will become long term, I just need to administer another painful injection and just like a baby you’ll both have to learn to walk again.

Kent sat back with a rather frustrated look on his face and in looked up at Anne.

“Why are you doing this?” I said, with tears welling in my eyes.
“It’s for the good of both of you trouble makers…now, let’s go meet the others.”


The Sleeping Fox
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Head Kitten
Head Kitten

Number of posts : 11138
Age : 29
Localisation : Pensalvania USA
Registration date : 2006-10-15

PostSubject: Re: Eden3   Mon Jun 18, 2007 12:27 am

Well I've read the story. I gotta say I like it. It got my emotions as stirring. Keep it up.


My dearest friends are those who I have yet to even meet but I feel as if I've known them for years. You guys are my best buddys but you Kiru most
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