Naruto OOC

I don't know if this is allowed, I assume it is, anyway this is a child from the marriage of bordem and naruto manga. Everything is meant as a joke, so don't flame me for Zetsu's comment. There's some language, but it's just barely PG-13 I would suppose. Tell me what you think!

(PS: I don't own any of these characters)

It was a normal day at the Akatsuki hideout, until…

Enter Zetsu, he is carrying a large bucket of KFC chicken which he is munching on
“I’m home!” he says “Sorry I’m so late, traffic was a real bitch today!” He said placing the chicken down on the kitchen countertops, of coarse his statement fell onto deaf ears as it always had in the hideout.
“And I was like those shoes are mine betch, and she was like u-uh betch…” Konan chitchatted on the phone with… Tsunade? “… Yeah, that top totally made your boobs look huge (lol) your gonna hafta let me borrow that some time, ya know…” She continued as she made her way to the greasy chicken.
“Yes, YES! Kick it up another notch, Emeril no Danna!” Deidara shouted out while watching food network as always. Tobi sat next to him, taking a nap.
“And that’s the show, hope you enjoy the lasagna!” Emeril announced as the credits flew by on the screen at the speed of light, nobody read them anyway. Deidara caressed the T.V. as the semi homemade show came on.
“Until next time, Emeril no Danna!” He said on the verge of tears.
“… Just mix together the sweetened condensed milk and cream cheese an everyone will think it’s a gourmet cheesecake!” Said the semi homemade lady before Deidara started flipping channels.
“What the! Who ate all the chicken!?” Konan exclaimed, anger filling her voice.
“It was my black side, I swear!” Explained Zetsu’s white side
“Is this because I’m black?!” Questioned his other half.
“Well it aint because your white!” The other half yelled.
“It doesn’t matter who did it, the point is we have no food!” Konan yelled back.
Pein staggers out of the bathroom completely naked, dripping with water
“Wazza goin on?” He slurs out.
“Ah, My poor virgin eyes, un!” Deidara shrieked, turning his head away.
“Pein… Are you drunk again?” Konan asks calmly
“I swear to drunk I’m not gawd!” He starts “I jussa got outa the showa!”
“*sigh* I’ll make some coffee.” Konan says looking through the cabinets.
“And I’ll get some-a dinner” Pein said fixing a bowl of cereal “Here sweet cheeks!” He offers the bowl to Konan.
“You know I only eat Konoha-K” she states while plugging in the coffee pot
“Whys zat?” He asks
“Because I’m trying to lose weight!” She said becoming slightly agitated
“You? Lose weight?! Fat chance!” He started pushing her limits unknowingly
“Oh I get it! It’s ‘cuz she’s fat!” Tobi yelled out
“Fat chance, fatty Mc.fatass!” Deidara follows
Konan slaps Pein, knocking him to the floor and causing a red mark to appear.
“Bitch-Slapped, un!” Dedara yells out again.
“Whaz that for poptart?” Pein asks
“Drunk or not, that’s no way to talk to woman!” Konan says in a very stern tone.
“Yah know I din’t mean it chicken cutlet.” He responds
“Chicken cutlet?” She says dumbfounded
“Yah, ‘cuz those little things ya’ put in your bra look like the chicken cutlets!” He answers looking as if he’s proud of his logic.
“Lets just go out to eat before I kill you…” Konan says grabbing car keys.